Healing Through Service: Bullseye the Clown's Journey with Jesus - EP 132

In this inspiring episode of Walking With the Savior, John Merrill Kirkman sits down with Bullseye the Clown, hose journey from childhood bullying, family trauma, and personal loss led him to discover healing through serving others.

Inspired by the real Patch Adams, Jeff joined clown humanitarian tours that took him to hospitals, orphanages, hospices, and impoverished communities around the world. Along the way, he learned that a simple smile, wave, or laugh can restore hope to someone who feels forgotten. Those experiences eventually inspired him to found Clowns on a Mission, a nonprofit serving communities in Guatemala by bringing joy alongside practical aid like food, backpacks, and clean water.

Jeff shares moving stories that reveal how serving others transformed his own heart, why prayer has become central to his life, and how following Jesus Christ means loving the overlooked, showing up with compassion, and trusting God even when you don't feel qualified.

If you've ever wondered how small acts of kindness can change lives, including your own, this conversation will inspire you to walk more closely with the Savior through love, service, and faith.

Learn more about Bullseye the Clown and Clowns on a Mission at the link below.
https://bullseyetheclown.com/

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

She was like, Look at these people, they haven't eaten in days. And you know, my so my thought was, oh wow, somebody should go buy them some food, not not thinking it should be us, you know. And uh so she's like, Well, we're here now, why don't we just go ahead and buy it? I'm like, Well, I don't know how much does food cost? And you know, so then it was kind of you we were learning as we went. We found out we could buy 200 pounds of rice and 200 pounds of corn for less than 200 bucks, uh, American money. So we bought 400 pounds of food. We bagged it all up. Um, and everywhere we went, uh, not only were we clowning, uh, we had a local pastor who would be with us uh delivering a message. Um, so we would clown, give the message, uh, hand out backpacks, hand out food. Um, and that's kind of how this all started.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Welcome everybody to this week's episode of Walking with the Savior podcast. I'm John Merrill Kirkman. I'm so excited today, and you are awesome, my friends. I want you to know you're loved, you're valuable, you're seen. And today I'm with somebody who absolutely cares for people and it's transformed his life. Have you ever seen the movie Patch Adam with Robin Williams? Well, Patch Adams is the famous clown that goes into hospital and changes people's lives. What we have today is a modern-day version of the Patch Adams, a student of Patch Adams who's adopted that mindset and that mentality, and he blesses people's lives in hospitals and prisons and things like that to help people smile. Today we've got Jeff Lee, better known as Bullseye the Clown. Bullseye the Clown. We've got Bullseye the Clown here today, and he's on a mission to make people smile, and that mission has changed his life as he sought to change other people's lives. And that's the miraculous story we're gonna cover today. So, bullseye, kind of tell us how you got into this and how long ago was it?

SPEAKER_03 2:14

Uh well, as as you can imagine, I didn't always look like this. Um, I used to have way more hair, I wore a lot less makeup. And if you had told me really at age 51 that I would have become a clown, uh, I would have said you are crazy. Um, as a matter of fact, none of this really happened until the death of my father in 2018. Um, I guess they say that trauma and stress can do crazy things to a person. So I guess this is living proof that that that happens. Um, and I used to laugh at my dad when he would walk down the street and he would be wearing striped pants and a plaid shirt. And I would say to myself, I would never be caught dead wearing something like that. And now, of course, you know, what do they say? Never say never.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Was your dad a clown, or he just kind of had didn't have a sense of style?

SPEAKER_03 3:00

No, he just didn't have a sense of style. That's he he wasn't a clown. I mean, maybe in his own mind he thought he was a clown. I don't know, but uh no, he really never had a sense of style. Um so it was just uh, you know, he would wear so many patterns that even when he was standing still, it still looked like he was moving toward you. So so it was the death of my father that really kind of started this whole um clown clown adventure, I should say. Um and when I was growing up, I didn't really have a lot of self-esteem. Um I guess I had a little bit of uh post-traumatic stress. I was bullied as a kid. Um and so I mean at school I would be kind of pushed into the lockers and uh I would be called names. And uh when I was growing up, we didn't have the internet like we have now. So when uh the bullies that came calling, they actually would uh show up on your doorstep. You know, they made house calls. And uh we didn't have that uh, you know, like we have the internet today. Thank goodness actually we didn't have the internet back then. Um and so I learned to navigate bullies, you know, from an early age. Um and then of course I actually lived with one. My parents divorced when I was really young. And so I went to live with my mom and an alcoholic abusive stepfather. Um, and so not only would I go to school and be bullied at school, then I would have to kind of navigate at home. Um, as my stepfather would chase me around the house with a belt. And uh I got very quick at hiding and and uh and navigating bullies from an early age. And so that's all a preface to say that one of the ways I used to escape whenever I was uh being bullied or being chased around the house was I would watch movies. And so one of the movies that I happened to watch a number of times was Patch Adams with uh Robin Williams um playing Patch Adams. And um after having met Patch Adams, which we'll get to in a minute, uh uh, but Patch Adams believes he is a clown who just happens to be a medical doctor, and he believes that all people can be cured more through connection, uh humor, and laughter than by pumping them full of a bunch of medication. And so I decided I I kept Patch Adams kept coming back, and I wasn't really sure why the name was so then I started doing some research online. I found his website and I was like, oh, he's actually a you know real person. Um and then uh I contacted him. He doesn't have email or anything, so um, I had to do the old-fashioned, you know, dial him up on the phone. Um, I called Patch Adams and said, Hey, what do you do? And he's like, Oh, we do all these clown tours. We go into different countries, and I thought, well, that sounds kind of interesting. And then before I knew it, um, that November I was on a clown tour to Russia with 35 clowns. Uh that kind of um I probably had I really thought more about it, I probably would not have done it. Um, but I but I did. Um and so while we were there, we went into children's hospitals, orphanages, um, hospices, drug rehab centers, just um every place that needed um smiling um and needed um people to to to see people who had been kind of locked away and forgotten. So that was kind of our uh mission when we were there.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

So Patch Adams, I mean, I watched that movie probably 30 years ago.

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Um what's he's still alive, I guess, is what you're saying. He is, he just had his 81st birthday, yes, yes. So he's he's still out there. I guess I don't know. I don't know how much he's still traveling. I I I heard that he slowed his traveling down a little bit, but he's still out there. He's yes, he's still he's still kicking.

SPEAKER_02 6:43

And so he gets these groups of people, and he just goes and visits all these places where they where they feel like, hey, they they're probably in need of some smiles here. Let's go there. And is everybody dressed up as a clown?

SPEAKER_03 6:57

They absolutely are. Um now back then we uh they don't always do makeup. And like I said, my first clown tour, I did not do makeup um because I didn't know anything about being a clown. So I was just uh I was just kind of a long, I I bought colorful clothes and I had a clown nose, and the clown nose was like 10 times the size of my face. Uh so so that probably was not a great thing either. Um uh but yeah, we all dress up like clowns, we all wear colorful colors, that's the whole point for him. Um, it's just to bring a smile, like because one of the things that we that I ran into, which I didn't think about prior to the trip, which if I had thought about it, I wouldn't probably have gone, was that we were in Russia. They all spoke Russian and I spoke English. So um we couldn't really connect uh verbally because I didn't know the language and they didn't know what what I was saying. So um it all became down to what we look like, um, our physicality, uh, how we could um create laughs based on what was in the room. Um, and sometimes, you know, what you plan to do and what actually happens are two different things. So um so that became a challenge. Um, but we were that was our goal. Our goal was to make sure that we reached everybody and that we made everybody laugh and that we made everybody uh have a good time. And uh for the most part.

SPEAKER_02 8:17

Is Patch Adams from Russia?

SPEAKER_03 8:20

No, uh no, he goes all over. Um, and you can't just go into Russia. Um, I don't know if you know that, but I I didn't know that. Um, we have to be invited. So he knows a woman who runs an organization called Maria's Children. It's uh it's an organization um that uh um takes in orphans and then she um teaches them life skills, and hopefully the the the goal is that once uh they go through and they're and they're of age, uh she gives them all the tools that they need um that they can go out, um get their own jobs, get their own homes, things like that. So that's kind of her organization. So every year she invites Patch Adams and his clowns to come, and she throws a big um gala event where um you know she tries to get all of her donors to come to this event and they have auctions. And so the clowns become the entertainment. The the clowns are the ones like auctioning off the stuff and um creating all the spectacle for her. So uh so she invites us to go to Russia. Now we do a lot of other things while we're there. Um, but that was the that was our main uh contact was Maria, and she kind of went around with us to some of the places that we went as well. Um, and we did a lot of stuff. Um, so we spent seven days in Moscow, and then we went and did seven days in St. Petersburg. This is like a this is like a clown boot camp.

SPEAKER_02 9:40

So what did you notice? Uh give me some stories from that journey. What really touched you to obviously continue that now for what eight, nine years now?

SPEAKER_03 9:51

Well, I'll give you a couple. The first one is something, and it was just a a momentary thing. It wasn't anything that was a lasting thing. Um this would be even before we got to our very first place that we were going to go. I didn't know what I was doing. So we were all on a bus and we were heading to the first orphanage. And while we were on our way, we stopped at a stoplight. I happened to be looking out the window, just kind of looking at the sights, and uh, I saw an old woman holding a bag of groceries. And um, there was like 10 people maybe at the bus stop, but nobody was really paying any attention to her. Um, and so I just tapped on the glass and uh she looked up. And I'm not sure what thoughts maybe have run through her mind when she saw a bus full of clowns. But uh I just started to wave at her. That's all I did, you know, and and she kind of gave me a look and then she uh kind of waved back a little bit, and um, then I waved a little faster, and then she started to wave a little faster. And then by this point, all of the clowns on the bus saw what I was doing, and they all turned and they all started to wave at the woman. Now, by this point, the light just changed, and as the bus started to pull away, we noticed that the woman sat down on a bench right there at the bus stop and she started to cry. Now, why she started to cry, I have no idea. Um, maybe she was that was the first time somebody saw her that day. Uh maybe that was the first time, you know, in a long time that anybody noticed her, or maybe she was just glad that she was not kidnapped by a bus full of clowns. I'm not sure what. Um but it was in that moment that I realized the power that we had as a clown. Um, and the power that we had when we do something nice for somebody, even if it's just something simple like saying hello or waving at someone. Um, and so that was before we even did anything. Um and then probably the most uh now that that kind of reminds me of a personal story.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

Can I share this? Uh sure. Absolutely. Yes. This kind of relates this relates to my my signs, you're awesome t-shirts, etc. So several years ago we were going to a state championship basketball game, and I usually have three or four of these you're awesome signs in my car. And they're usually eight and a half by ten size paper uh that have been laminated, printed up with a sign that message that says, You're awesome on one side. On the other, it might say, You are amazing, you are loved, something like that. And as we were headed to this state championship game, obviously, there was right around the stadium, there was tons of traffic. It was downtown, Salt Lake, busy city, and there was, you know, bumper to bumper line for like two minutes, uh two miles, bumper to bumper traffic, excuse me, for like two miles. And all along the way, uh, I had a group of teenage boys. So my son's a teenager, and and uh he brought some of his friends, like five or six friends. And so we had this car full of teenagers and just me uh and me. And so as we're driving, I I passed out these signs to my my these boys, and I was like, let's take advantage of this. And I first demonstrated, I held up the sign, looked at the car next to me, kind of got her attention with a little bit of a beep, beep, and then I held up the sign and I waved, and she gave this big smile. And so then after that, these kids got into it to see who could get the most spot smiles out of people in a line of cars with different signs that say, You're awesome. And so they were waving to people, you know, doing a little flirt with the girls who were next to us in the cars, and they were just rolling in laughter, and they wanted to continue to do it after the game. Uh, so it was just it turned a boring, you know, oh traffic, we hate traffic to like, oh, this is fun. And when the fun became making other people smile, everybody was smiling and laughing and having a great time.

SPEAKER_03 13:44

And that and that that's exactly it. You know, honestly, whenever I did this first trip with Patch Adams and I came back, I really had no desire to do it again. I mean, I that wasn't that wasn't my thought. I I thought this was gonna be like a one and done kind of thing. I'm just gonna go do this clown thing. I don't know why I'm doing this clown thing, but something's calling me to do this clown thing. Um, so I'm just gonna go be a clown for 14 days and then I'm gonna come home and find a job. That that was what that was my thought. Um, but just like you said, once you start doing nice things for other people, what in turns happened is it actually heals you inside. So when I left to go to Russia, I was dealing with the death of my father. I was still having this residual stuff where I would has been bullied by the kids at school, and I still had all that angst and anger and hurt inside from um all the years of bullying. And what I noticed is once I came home, all of that was gone. You know, I I tried to call up, you know, old memories of people who bullied me and stuff like that, and um, you know, and I I tried I tried to be miserable. But for some reason, um having spent 14 days just doing nothing but nice things for other people, um, in turn um healed me. Um that was kind of like a wow, I guess it's like an unex unexpected side effect of being being nice to other people. Um, but the one story I want to share um is you know, we got to a hospice um when we were in Russia, and our only goal was again to make sure we saw everybody and make sure that everybody smiled and at least tried we tried to get them to laugh. Um, and so things were going okay. You know, Patchwin Adams went up to the top floor. He had this giant pair of underpants, so his job was to see how many people he could fit in this giant pair of underpants that he had. So while he was up there getting people in his underpants, uh we were all uh divided. So the the clowns divided and conquered. They took like three clowns and put them on one wing and what three clowns on that wing, sent some up to other floors. And so when I was on my floor, I got to every single room except for this last one that I needed to go into. And as I was ready to go into it, they were like, nope, nope, you can't go in there. And um, and of course I didn't really know a whole lot of Russian, but the I guess the gist was that there was a woman in there, her name was Helena. Nobody visited her. Um, she was very angry, she had been there for four, four or five months. Um, nobody ever visited her. Um, she would get mad, she would curse at you in Russian, and she would throw things at you. So he I was told not to go in there. Well, you know, you've seen the movie Patch Adams, you said a number of times. You know, if they told Patch Adams not to go into that room, what's Patch Adams going to do? He's gonna go into that room. So so the moment that they turned our back, I kind of was waving, and then I snuck into the room. Uh I had a little bottle of bubbles with me, and so that's kind of how I started. I just started blowing bubbles and started blowing bubbles into the room. And uh, she was actually sitting on her bed and she was looking out the window, so she wasn't facing the door at all. And so I just kept moving a little step closer, a little step closer, blowing some bubbles, and finally a bubble kind of wafted in front of her face, and she looked confused and she turned and she looked at me. I didn't know what was about to happen, so I just froze like a statue. I looked at her, she looked at me, and then she finally patted her bed for me to come over and sit down. And so uh I went over, she didn't throw anything, and I thought, well, even if she threw something that wouldn't matter, she's on hospice. How hard could she possibly throw something, you know? And if she cursed in Russian, I'd have no idea what she said, so it didn't matter. So I went over and I sat down on the bed next to her, and I was trying to show her how to blow bubbles. And uh, if you've ever tried to teach somebody how to blow bubbles and you can't speak their language, it was a little difficult. So I was I would blow some bubbles and show her. She was like, uh, and she tried and she blew one bubble. And I'm like, no, no, no, you you need to blow harder so that you can get more bubbles. And so I was trying to explain this, and so I did it again with more bubbles. So she tried it, and maybe two bubbles came out. I'm like, no, no, no, you gotta do it this harder. So finally she took a deep breath and she blew, and there were bubbles all over the room, but then her teeth blew clear across the room. So I ran over to find her teeth. And as I found her teeth on the floor and I picked them up, all of a sudden she started laughing. So I apparently this is something that had not happened in the four months or five months since she had been there. But she started to laugh. She was laughing so loud, and I'm like, shh, I'm not even supposed to be in here. And then finally the doctor comes in. Here I am standing there holding like these teeth. So I look like I'm some international tooth thief. But um, so yeah, I I'm sure she's gone by now, uh, because like I said, she was on hospice, so I'm sure um even maybe shortly after that trip um she had passed. Um but I at least I knew that from the moment uh that I left that before she died that she was able to interact with somebody who actually made her smile and made her laugh um because she was having such a difficult time in hospice and nobody had visited her. So um I was proud to maybe be the last or only visitor that she had.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

That just warms my soul, brother. That is so good. And I just feel so much love for that. And to me, when I hear these stories and you feel good and you feel love, what it kind of reminds me of is that when we do what Jesus did, we feel his love. And his love, when we act like him, we feel so good inside because we're feeling his love. This kind of reminds me of an experience I had in uh Costa Rica. We were working at an old folks' home in Costa Rica, and we were building a room and we were on a youth group. So I was kind of a supervisor, and once we would get the youth going on the project, I started going over and interacting with the elderly. And I didn't speak much Spanish, very little actually. I knew grandma and grandpa, so I would walk up to these elderly people and I would say, Mia abuela, mi abuela, my grandma, my grandma, or mi abuelo, which is grandpa. And if I'm saying it wrong, forgive me, because I just don't know Spanish. But what I would do is I would say, Yeah, and I would say, mi abuela, and I'd walk up to them and I would give them a hug, and then I would sit there with them in a chair, and you know, they were often sitting in a wheelchair or just sitting on a patio and chairs gathered together, just sitting there, staring off into space, or maybe having a little like conversation. And I would sit there and join them and take turns with different people sitting by different people. And every time, every morning I'd come out and I'd give them a hug, mi abuela, and I'd act like it was the best thing I'd ever seen in my life to see my grandma and grandpa. And I would walk up to them, mi abuela, give them a big hug and hold their hand as I sat there. And when I left, you know, 10 days later, oh my goodness, the tears we shed and the feelings we felt, it was so real, and it just felt so good. And I could hardly communicate with these people.

SPEAKER_01 21:17

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

It was just a miraculous experience of love. What I came to realize is that love is kind of universal. I I mean, I haven't been to very many countries and had that experience in different countries, but I just feel like love is kind of this universal language, love and kindness, and in your case, laughter. And what I think we're modeling, especially by the example that you portrayed, going into this lady's home where everybody's like, stay away, she's danger. Jesus would have gone in and seen that woman, sat with her. And I love the idea of maybe he would have tried to help her laugh. We don't see that side of Jesus in most TV shows or movies, or even a little bit in the chosen, but but I like to think that Jesus would have showed up with love the way you did and laughter.

SPEAKER_03 22:16

Like I said, this was not something that like I have planned to do again. Um I um but like I said, so as you said, once you go somewhere and you do something good for people, then it almost kind of is an adrenaline thing. It's like, okay, now now who can I help? Now who can I make laugh? And so I I did do three other tours with Patch Adams, one to Morocco, one to Mexico, one to Costa Rica. And it was when we were on our one to Costa Rica, where um something really shifted. Um, and a woman came up to us who was um homeless and she wanted us to buy some ice cream. And we were like, no, no, no, we're not, we don't want to buy any ice cream. Um, and so um she then started to tell us her story that you know she had a heart attack. Um, and when she had the heart attack, she had a job and she had a home and she had children. And because she no longer could work, she lost her home. Um, and so this was the first job that she had um after the the heart attack, um, and she was trying to rebuild her life. Um and so once we kind of heard the story, we're like, oh, well, wait a minute, now we have to buy the ice cream. So we ended up buying out the ice cream, and every day that we saw her, we bought out all of her ice cream. Um, and so by the end of this tour that we were on, um, having bought her ice cream every day, this was just a temporary job for her. Um, the company that she was working for decided to hire her full-time because she was selling so much ice cream. So um, and so that was the shift for me. It was like, okay, so what Patch Adams tours are not quite doing is providing some type of tangible um gift or some kind of tangible resource um for the people. Where yes, I mean, love and love and um hope and all of that is uh a tangible resource as well, but we wanted to leave them with something else. And so once we did that for this one woman, I'm like, I need to create a tour where we do that, where we give food or we give uh clothes or we give shoes or backpacks to people who can't afford to go to school or or we do something to that effect. And that's uh, and I guess that's what God kept calling me to do. You you need to do this. And I'm like, well, you know, I don't know anything about releting a tour. I've only gone on like four tours, and I don't know anything about, you know, doing any kind of uh charity work. I've never really done it, you know. So I, of course, I I had all the reasons why I shouldn't. And um God just kept asking me, this is something you gotta do. And I'm like, well, you know, I I I I wanted to do something um, you know, for the church and for God, but um I this apparently was this is not what I had in mind, you know. When he told me he wanted me to dress up like a clown and go places, I'm like, apparently I picked up the wrong call because this is not what I had envisioned at all, as being a missionary who happens to be a clown. This is not what I envisioned. Um but then things just started falling in place. You know, it was like I I wanted to do this type of a mission, and then all of a sudden I was working in a nursing home, and one of the ladies in the nursing home said, Oh, my my niece has got a church organization that she's starting down in Guatemala. She would love to have some clowns come down and visit. And so then I just started talking to her. Her name is Kim. And so we decided uh we would come down, we would buy 200 backpacks, fill them with school supplies. That was our first base basically foray into what I have now as a company that I run called Clowns on a Mission. It's a 501c3 charity. Um, and so we go, we went in with these 200 backpacks filled with school supplies. While we're there, um, she was like, Look at these people, they haven't eaten in days. And you know, my so my thought was, oh wow, somebody should go buy them some food, not not thinking it should be us, you know. And uh so she's like, Well, we're here now, why don't we just go ahead and buy it? I'm like, Well, I don't know how much does food cost? And you know, so then it was kind of we were learning as we went. We found out we could buy 200 pounds of rice and 200 pounds of corn for less than 200 bucks, uh, American money. So we bought 400 pounds of food. We bagged it all up. Um, and everywhere we went, uh, not only were we clowning, uh, we had a local pastor who would be with us uh delivering a message. Um, so we would clown, give the message, uh, hand out backpacks, hand out food. Um, and that's kind of how this all started. And it was just like you said earlier, it was the whole philosophy really behind Clowns on a Mission is we just kind of wanted to walk like Jesus walked. You know, we want to go into the poorest communities, we want to um go into the lives of the hungry and the forgotten. Um, we want to go wherever God calls us to go. I mean, you know, maybe it's always Guatemala. Um, maybe somebody from another country who might be watching this may say, hey, we would love to have clowns come here and and bring, you know, food or shoes for the orphanage or or whatever it happens to be. Um, but our whole point is, you know, we feed the poor, we clothe the needy, um, we bring joy to the suffering, uh, we love the unlovable. Um, we just go where nobody else will go. And that's kind of what Jesus did. And so that's kind of how this whole mission came about. Um, I don't understand it. A lot of a lot of people say, You're a clown. I don't get it, I'm I don't get it either. This, but apparently, you know, in my 50s, this is what God had designed for me. So uh I'm going with it, you know. Um, until God calls me to do something different, this is what he called me to do. And so my job now is to find other people who want to serve in whatever capacity that they can. Anybody who has ever wanted to go on a mission trip, um, that's kind of who we are. It's like we'll take you, we'll put a clown nose on you, uh, we'll give you some colorful things, and then and our job is we go shopping and we we buy all this food. Um, so then to start it off, we were buying bags of groceries and handing out. Then I got the idea, oh, wouldn't it be great if we had like a soup kitchen? Um, and so instead of a soup kitchen, we just started doing a food truck out of the back of a van. So we bought like, you know, 300 chickens. Uh, we had we made macaroni salad with tortillas, and so now we were wherever we go, we do uh we hand out fried chicken and macaroni salad, tortillas, we make a drink that we give out, and we do that into a group now. Uh, there's one community that's 250 people. Um, the senior center that we go to has like 60 people, and there are people who live in the local landfill. They they've just made things in the uh homes in the landfill from the stuff that they found in the landfill. And so we first started off by just taking the children's juice boxes and um cookies. Um, and then um the families, you know, because the pastor goes there every every week. Um, and so the pastor said, you know, they ask if we could like actually give like a you know more substantial. So we made these giant hoagie sandwiches this last time, um, gave everybody a giant hoagie sandwich, um, and uh we gave them a drink. Um, and so every time we go, we we try to find something different to do, other ways to bless people. Um, the community that has 250 people in it, they don't have access to running water. Um, and so they live in a place called Andre Rios, which is between rivers. And so if they want water, they've got to go clear down to the river and get it and drag it back. Or they have something called a PIPA. It's a giant truck, it's a water truck that'll bring water to them about once, maybe once a week. Um, but if they don't have anything to put the water in, they don't get water, they get overlooked. So on this last trip that we just did, we bought five water barrels for five different families. Um, and we also presented them with the water barrels before we left. So, and it just so happened the day we were there, we had we were there just in front of the PIPA. The people was just coming as we were delivering the water barrels. So they were able to get water um without having to go clear down to the river to get it. So those are the things we do. We just kind of listen to the needs. Luckily, we have a pastor who lives in Guatemala all the time, goes to all of the communities that we visit, and he finds out what needs they have, and that's what our job is to meet whatever those needs are. And um so far, knock on wood. So so far, God has God has blessed us. Like I said, I I panic um every single time I have a tour coming up because I'm like, what if I don't get anybody to sign up to go on the clown trip? I'm like, well, I'll go by myself. So that that's that's it. It's like, you know, it's it's uh an organization that uh I run, but I'm like, you know what? If nobody else goes, I will go because I have people in on the ground in Guatemala and they will go with me um and do it. So uh we will make it work, whether it's just me or or no one. So I'll I'll go. Um but this so that's my beast.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

Tell us about your next tell us about your next trip because this sounds exciting. This is totally my DNA. My wife would be like, I'm not doing that. I would I would do this in a heartbeat, brother. I would do this in a heartbeat. Um and this October doesn't work out for me, but man, this is on my radar down the road. I want to connect with you and do this because this is totally uh going on a trip and making the focus about other people. I would choose to do that any day over a cruise. Now, I'm not against cruises. I'll go on a cruise. You want to hand me a cruise? You don't donate me a cruise, I will go. Uh but I would much rather go on one of these trips because I feel it right here in a way that a cruise just a cruise fills my belly.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

Right.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

But you know, and we these type of trips fill my heart.

SPEAKER_03 31:50

Yeah. And like I said, and we do, I mean, I know that it's uh it's a big uh undertaking to go on a trip like this. We we our trip this time, this is the first year we're doing two in uh we're doing two in one year. Normally we've done one. Um so we've added this October trip. So it's October the 19th to the 26th. Um, we have everybody get fly in by noon on the 19th. Um, and I'm there two days early. So I'm there to make sure that I greet everybody at the the uh airport in Guatemala um because I don't want anybody to get to the country and go, oh my gosh, now what? Uh there's the there's no way I will be wearing some type of a clown getup, so it might be this outfit, maybe without the makeup on. Um, but who knows? Maybe I'll wear the makeup to the airport. Um, but usually I'm able to be found. Uh that's why we ask people who are coming on these trips to actually, even on the airplane, um, we ask them to wear something colorful and bright so that we can find you uh when you get to the airport because the airport is kind of busy. Um but we fly in on the 19th. Um from there we hop into a van and then we travel to our little home base in Monjas Jalapa, and that is only really about 50 miles from the airport, unfortunately, because of the traffic and the road conditions, uh like with only one lane roads, and it takes us about three and a half hours to get where we're going. So that 50 miles, it takes us about three and a half hours. So I know it's a long, that's a long trek. So but we hop in the bus. Um, along the way, we'll stop and grab something to eat. Um, then we do like a welcome dinner once we get uh into town, and then we stay at a local hotel um in um Monjas. And then the very next day, uh the for the first full day that you're there, um, that's our shopping day. So we'll go to like a version of Costco, it's called Sumo, and uh we go there and we buy all of our groceries. So whatever groceries we're going to need that we're giving away, um anything that we need, we purchase there and we load it in the back of our van, and then we take it back to our home base, and then we will assemble uh care packages. You know, we um we'll give uh the pastor's wife all of the macaroni that we buy. She'll be making the macaroni salads and we'll be chopping vegetables and doing all that kind of stuff. And then we also have then we we go to the senior center, we go to an orphanage, we go to two schools, we go to um entre rios, we go to um we it's called Aguatibia, that's the local landfill we go there. Um, and uh we actually found some woman walking with all these sticks on her head. I don't know what she was doing, but I don't know if she's building a hut or what, but she had like hundreds of sticks on her head. She's walking down the street and we offered her a bag of groceries, and so she held the sticks with one hand and she grabbed the groceries with the other hand and she she was walking. So uh we we just look to bless whoever whoever we can bless. And so that's that's in October. Um, like I said, so we all all that information can be found on clownsonamission.com. That's uh but that's our next one. So that guess that that's what we're praying for, praying that God brings us the right people um who want to help serve on a trip like this. Um, and we're praying that uh we get our get our group. We've got uh I know we'll have Kim and Ernesto, and Ernesto is the the pastor. And I got Bill. Bill's been on every single tour with us, so he'll be there, I'll be there. Um, so we're we're building it up now. So we're just asking uh God to send us the the right people to to travel. You don't have to have clown experience. That's the the whole point is really just to have fun. Like you, like even like you, even if it's you walking around going, Mia Buelo, Mia Buelo, or whether it's just walking around with a sign that says you're awesome, you know. Um it's fantastico, you know.

SPEAKER_02 35:31

It's fantastico. That's it.

SPEAKER_03 35:34

Yeah, so whatever it happens to be. Um, and like I said, I take things extra things with me um that I don't use. Like so, I I take like um temporary tattoos. The kids love temporary tattoos. I take tons of balloons, so we blow balloons up. Um, I showed the clowns how to do the balloons. Um, we do learn a couple of songs in Spanish, like Jesus Loves Me, uh, maybe this little light of mine. Um, and believe it or not, even the seniors at the the CeeLo that we go to, they enjoy singing those songs as well. So we do learn a few songs in Spanish so that you can also uh minister in that way. If you want to write like a little Spanish message on a balloon, we can kind of assist you with that as well. Um, you know, like God loves you or something like that on the balloon, or um, have a blessed day, um, whatever it happens to be. So, and then again, our basically our job there is just to uh feed the hungry, um be with the forgotten, um, just let them know that uh we see them and uh make them the little star for the moment the hour or so that we're with them.

SPEAKER_02 36:38

Yeah. So let's uh wrap up with you telling me how this has changed you as a man and strengthened your relationship with Jesus Christ. Let's start start with how has it changed you as a man?

SPEAKER_03 36:52

Uh well, prior to going on any clown trip, um, I never um my whole life was kind of centered around me. Uh I I was a stand-up comic for a long time, uh, for 10 years, and um I wanted to be a superstar. I thought, oh, I need to be this, I want to be famous, I want to be rich and famous, and um that never that never happened. And um after 10 years, um I was disillusioned with um stand-up, and so that's kind of what led into this whole season is I stopped doing stand up um and I got a job that I hated. Um, and then my dad died, and that's kind of how this whole ball started to roll. Um, but I had to get to a point, I think, where it wasn't fulfilling to me to only focus on myself. And so um I think God was telling me at that time, your focus is on the wrong thing, you're not focused on me, and you're not focused on others. And so um up to that point I really wasn't. Um it was all about what what Brian wanted and what what I was doing. Um, and so then my dad died. And even still, I did not I was very hesitant to go on this trip. Um but something kept calling me to do it. Just go do it, go do it. Um, Patch Adams kept popping up, popping up. And um, so I I did it on a whim, and then this trip forced me to go outside myself. So during that entire trip, it was not me, me, me, me, me, me. It was what can we do for other people while we're on here? So I was not even a thought. So it was like while we were out there, God was forcing me to deal with people, even people that I'm like, I'm not qualified for this. I I have not uh, you know, I'm not qualified to minister to people. This is not what what's happening here. And uh a phrase came to me. I don't know if it's something that I heard somewhere or if God spoke it to me or what happened, but he basically said, I don't call the qualified, I qualify the called. And so, you know, you may not feel like you're qualified to do what I'm asking you to do, but I will give you the tools that you need to do it. Um, and I fought it. You know, I fought it at first. Like, no, that that this is not what I um but then it just changed me. It changed me in the fact that it's now I don't do the things that I typically would have done. Um a majority of my money was always spent on going to concerts and um doing things that I wanted to do. And and now I look at the price of concert tickets and I'm like, wow, do you know how many people I could feed in Guatemala? Instead of going to this concert, I could actually feed this many people. I'm not I'm not buying this ticket. Or I'll buy this ticket like you know, in my back of my mind, but I'll put all that money toward my trip to Guatemala. And so it's just really freed me up in a way that I mean, God just speaks to me every single time, and I and and every time we're there, it's I'll see something else. I'm like, okay, this is what we got to do the next time, and this is what we got to do the next time. And um, these are the people we need to help each time that we're here. Um, we met a guy who um was a construction worker and he fell um and is paralyzed, and he was the sole provider for his family. And so we need to do something this next trip to help him, whether it's um help him with medical bills or whatever we need to do or help feed his family or um something. So that's that's on our back burner too, is something that we got to do this next trip. And so this is just something that I never would have done before. You know, I I I never would have even contemplated um I never would have contemplated, you know, how we can help other people. That just wasn't uh that wasn't in the forefront of my mind. And so that's that's how God changed me in such a way that um it's a blessing, you know. You know, he just let me know that the only way you can help yourself is by helping other people, you know. Um and what I have found, you know, and I and I still struggle with the whole praying thing. I'm like, I think I can do this whole trip by myself. I'm like, I can do this, I okay, I need to get this together. And then when stuff the stuff falls apart, like we had clowns who were planning to go and they don't go and they drop off. And instead of praying about all of this first, I try to do as much as I can do first, and then at the last resort, I go, Well, there's nothing left to do. I guess I'm gonna have to pray about it. So, so God said, 'cause that's what God's working with me now. How about you pray for this stuff first? It might make this a little easier, and I'm not, I can start doing the work that I need to do. Um, and you know what? It's the days that I think that I'm doing the wrong thing, that God has called me to do the wrong thing, um, that's the day things start to fall in place. That's the day we get a big donation, that's the day we get um somebody to sign up for the trip. Um, so about the time I'm ready to quit and throw in the towel and say, okay, this, okay, maybe I did not hear the right call from God. Maybe that maybe this was somebody else's call to wear the red nose and to to do all this stuff, um, then things will just start to fall into place. And so um, you know, sometimes even when you are doing what God wants you to do, it doesn't all go smooth. Um, it doesn't uh it doesn't go and things don't fall right into place right away. It it's it's in God's time. So um if things are not happening in your life um that you feel like you that should be happening right now because God's called you to do something, and why isn't this working? Well, it's not working because maybe there's one other thing that God wants to work on you for um before he grants you whatever it is that you're that you're requesting. So um those are the things that I have to, those are the things I still have to focus on and still have to um uh work with. I I I don't always uh believe it. I I just always think I can do everything myself. And then so then I gotta sit down and focus. Okay, that wasn't me, that was a God thing. That's um, and so you know, it's it we're not perfect, we're not perfect uh individuals, and so um and following God is and doing what God wants us to do, and and doing what Jesus did is not uh a perfect science, uh, and we're not going to do it perfectly. Um, but we also have to be willing to do it. We have to be willing to go where people don't go uh and do the things that people aren't willing to do. Um and so God's not looking for somebody qualified, he's just looking for somebody to show up and do it. And so that's that's us. Um so that's what God's working with me on. Um and it's a struggle every struggle every day. Um, but we're just out there having fun and doing what we can do when we can do it, and uh um praying, and and we're gonna go to Guatemala with whoever shows up. Uh, we'll grab you and we'll go, and that's that's how we that's how we roll.

SPEAKER_02 43:37

Now, this is so exciting because sometimes we think of preaching the gospel as hey sir, can I teach you about Jesus? Uh and that is uh there's a spot for that in ministry and missionary work. But there's also a great way to teach about Jesus, and that is just to show up as a kind, fun, happy person. Lights of the world. And I love how you shared how you found healing by serving other people. At a time where you were hurting with the loss of your father, um, and never feeling fully healing from some of that trauma you experienced as a teenager and as a young child, just very unfortunate events. But a lot of us, to be honest, I think most of us, or all of us, carry some sort of baggage PTSD like that. And to hear your story and to talk about how you found healing by leave uh serving like Christ would, it reminds me of just come unto me, all you that are lay lay uh labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. And that's the that's the irony there, right? He's like, here, take this, and you're like, I ain't got no room for anything else to carry. I can't carry anything else. Can't you see? I'm way down, I'm I'm I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm painful. I can't, but he's like, hey, trust me. And what's interesting is like, take my yoke, but there's me, you know, the yoke is the oxen yoke, right? And there's me, and then and then there's Jesus, but like, which one is carrying far more, right? I mean, like what I'm comparing compared to what Jesus is carrying, it's kind of like uh you know, um a muscle man carrying 500 pounds and he asks a kid to help him carry it, you know. Obviously, the muscle man's gonna carry that that weight and not the kid, but uh in but in the in the end result is it changes our heart. And I think the word rest there in the New Testament where he's like, come on to me and I will give you rest. It's it's not necessarily like uh right I I look at you, my brother, and he he's given you rest and healing, but he's giving you a work, that yoke that he's want asked you to carry. Hey, organize a trip to Guatemala. I want you to take care of this family that the husband fell and is now paralyzed. That's real work, that's real stress, that's real worry. But as you testified, the moment you feel like it's not gonna work and I made a mistake, Jesus Christ shows up. Now, all along the way, I think Jesus Christ is involved, right? But I think he allows for us to kind of push our faith, you know, like, hey, walk on water a little bit, and then when you fall, I'll reach in and grab you. But hey, I want you to try walking on water a little bit by yourself. Now, I think he's there with us, and I think he's there to walk with us, but I think the savior wants us to take that yoke. And the irony is in the end, we find healing. And with this you're awesome thing, the more people I tell you're awesome, the more that they tell me I'm awesome. And it's not that's not why I do it. But if I had known that in junior high when I was like uh a flower in the middle of a desert, wilting and dying for any positive. And I thought the way to get positive was to tear people down. And in reality, if I'd have just started building other people up, they would have returned that to me and built myself up. Now, there's a lot more to it, but I want you to know for those listening today, Jesus Christ has a plan for you. Jesus Christ has a mission for you. And for everybody out there, it's not put on a clown nose. For some of you, it might be. I'm super excited to put on a clown nose and go to Guatemala, my brother. I totally am. I might be coming alone because I don't think my wife or kids will go, but I would eat it up, right? And for you out there, though, I want you to know that Jesus Christ has a mission for you. Jesus Christ has a plan for you. And the question is, have you asked him? And have you found it? And one way I'm reminded is just Samuel's story. Samuel is like, speak, Lord, thy servant heareth. And when we approach the Lord in that mindset, speak, Lord, your servant heareth. I just want to serve you. What is the mission for me? What is the yoke you want me to carry? And when we come to him with that mindset, he offers us a vision, a mission where we can find hope, we can find peace and healing through serving other people. Yeah, I love it. How has it changed as you worked on involving the savior more in your life? Um how has that changed your relationship with him?

SPEAKER_03 49:10

Well, it's definitely strengthened my relationship with him as well. Um as I mentioned, I'm not one that typically that typically likes to pray. Um, so it's really kind of um giving me more time to actually to sit um and to uh be in the presence of the Lord, um, which is something that uh up to that point I had never I mean I went to church as a child, but I mean, you know, it was one of those things we had to do. Um so um it that really just did not do um what it should have done back back then. And so this would just give me more time to actually um be with the Lord. Um I sit with the Lord daily now to kind of go over um just giving him just mundane things in my day. This is this is my day, and then just just bless the day, and this is just not something that I nor typically would have done before. Um, you know, I it doesn't have to necessarily be some um involved thing. And you know, I guess in my mind before it was like, well, I don't want to pray about that because you know God has more important things to do, and you know, and God was like, You are the important thing, the uh I have you doing important things. This is what I this is what we do. This is you come to me and we sit and we you know we we sit in this and we stew about this, and um, and so that is just that is something that has strengthened that I never had before. Um and uh so that's kind of where where I sit every day. I in the mornings I wake up, we we kind of go through this and uh even throughout the day. Um before again, I that's not something that I would have done throughout the day, you know. Um just you know, Lord, give me strength to get through this, Lord, you know, um what are we gonna do about this? And um and then divine things will come through. Um it may not seem divine, it may seem coincidental, but I don't believe in coincidence. So um I know God is out there listening, um, so we just have to be willing to um to spend some time with them um and not think that we can do it all ourselves, um which is uh which is which is my philosophy. Oh, I can do this myself. And it's uh it's not. It's it's not me doing any of the work. Um God's doing all the heavy lifting here, and so uh I've got to give him the praise for the entire clowns on a mission. This would not exist without him. Um it's not been uh easy going, but um God has um God has taken every obstacle that we've had so far, um, and he fixed it. And he um he he made a way where there was no way before. And so um that's what I have to draw on, and and that's why I sit with him every morning, and okay, these are these are where I feel we have obstacles, and this is what we need to that this is where I need you to to make aware that where there was no way. This is where there's a mountain, and I need you to move it, uh, or move me around it, you know. Um and um and so it's it's almost like having um I guess a best friend, uh having somebody that you can trust um no matter what, no matter no matter what's going on, whether it's a good, whether it's bad. These are um because believe me, he knows everything whether it's good or bad or not. So um we just we just sit and we we have a great uh great relationship now.

SPEAKER_02 52:24

So good. I love that. And what's uh fascinating in your story is how 10 years ago you weren't doing nothing with clowning. And if the Lord had said, hey, in ten years you're gonna lead groups to Guatemala, you're gonna dress up as a clown. He's got a sense of humor, and he's he's he's got a sense of humor and he's got a vision.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

He does. And even back then, when I was doing stand-up, you know, I did feel like there was something that he was calling me to do, and so I thought, oh, well, he wants me to be a Christian comedian. And so I tried to write jokes and I tried to uh formulate my show to be a Christian show, and it just was not working. I was like, okay, I'm like, well, apparently that is not what God called me to do. And so I just kind of left that idea behind. And I'm like, that's not what so God's been calling me for a while. Um, I just have not clued in and picked up the phone at the right time. Um, so and I think that uh that happens to a lot of people. God calls us and we we either think one that it's not him, um, or we don't really understand what that call is. And so um, and I think uh back then I just didn't get um what the call was. Um I mean, how how would I have got this call, you know? Yeah, how would I have thought that this was it? Um and you know, and I do want to say of, you know, which I hope doesn't get cut off. One of the things I do want to say is just because you the gods called you to do something, that doesn't mean things are going to go smoothly. Um, just on our very last trip to Guatemala, we were 30 minutes uh from our hotel. I contacted the hotel to let them know we were on the way. The hotel says, Oh, well, we have this big bike convention that came to tell me gave all your rooms away. Um, and so uh I would like to say in that moment that I was uh praise Jesus, praise Jesus, but so uh and so of course I had I had people with me. So I'm like, I had I had to quickly figure out what to do. Luckily, I knew people in Guatemala now, so quickly it was I Kim was in the bus. So I you know I Kim, you gotta call contact somebody. I was contacting Alex, who uh as a local guy who runs what's called the Gospel Cafe. He's got a um like a Christian cafe that he runs, a coffee shop. And so I contacted him and said, Hey, our uh our hotel um gave our rooms away. Well, what can we do? And so he scoured, he dropped what he was doing and he ran around town trying to find rooms for everybody. So uh, and it kind of gave me that whole idea of there's no room at the inn, where do we stay, you know? Um, and so um we had to figure it out. And we did, you know, uh we a couple people said Kim has a house there, so a couple clowns stayed at Kim's house for a couple days. Kim went to stay with friends who she knew there for a couple days. We found two hotel rooms at a different hotel, so we we made it work. So um, so now we're gonna hope to avoid that in October. Uh so I'm gonna have Alex actually reserve the rooms where he can kind of, you know, I did the best I could. I thought, oh, I can I can do this. I my Spanish is good enough that I can reserve these rooms. Apparently not. So so uh I will have Alex do it for October to make sure that this does we do not run into this again.

SPEAKER_02 55:41

So here's the idea: God has a vision of us, God has a plan for us, God has a future for us, he has a purpose for each of us. And sometimes we get to the midlife thing, and I'm about that age myself, and we we're like, what now, Lord? Uh what do we do? But it the more we turn it over to him, the more we seek him and his guidance, there's gonna be a plan. There's gonna be a plan, and it is probably something you have no idea on your radar. It's gonna be bigger than you think if we turn it over to him and say, Lead me, Lord, lead me. Thy servant heareth, and we come before him. What a great example this story is of that principle that you don't have to feel like God has nothing in store for you because he does. Sometimes we just don't hear him speaking to us. Now, before we go, I want to go through my rapid, quick dive questions.

SPEAKER_03 56:43

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 56:44

And let's do those real quick. And just like these are just short answers. I'll ask you six or seven questions, you just answer with a thought that comes to your mind. Number one, what's a promise you've made to yourself that you still try to keep?

SPEAKER_03 57:02

Uh to be nice to everyone.

SPEAKER_02 57:07

When someone says your name in fifty years, what do you hope they say next?

SPEAKER_03 57:13

Um that he was a good and faithful servant.

SPEAKER_02 57:20

If you could implant an idea into everyone in the world, what would it be?

SPEAKER_03 57:27

Um just do good things for other people.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Best advice for overcoming hard things.

SPEAKER_03 57:39

Lean into the Lord um and pray. Something you're the most proud of. Um, I guess I would have to say the mission. Um, you know, I'm I'm proud of what the work that we've done so far.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

How do you think when it's all said and done, you'll measure your life?

SPEAKER_03 57:58

I think I'll measure my life by the people that we've helped or the but that I've helped. And not necessarily the the people in Guatemala, but the ones who go with us.

SPEAKER_02 58:09

And last question. When you die and you meet the savior, and he says, Well done, thou good and faithful servant, right? What do you hope he says next to you?

SPEAKER_03 58:20

I just think just the thing that we all hope. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 58:27

And I believe he will, because the work you're about is incredible. And I know you're just one guy clowning around. But man, you got a heart of gold and you're doing God's work one smile at a time. And I love that motto. Who can I make smile today? And that will change our bad days to a great day. Thanks everybody for joining us on this week's walk with the savior. Be sure to join us next week as we interview guests on their journey with the savor and their journey and their walk with the savior. And most of all, you are awesome. Have a great day, friend. Bye bye.

SPEAKER_00 59:09

Your future is bright when you walk with Christ.